at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
