You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
