Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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