I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
