some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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