if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
