The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
