All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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