so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
