i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
