my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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