I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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