i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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