I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize