she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
