i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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