You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
