sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
