make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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