You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
