gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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