You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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