somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
