dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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