On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
