I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
