I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
