i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
