He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
