I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
