she woke up with a sticky ear
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
