also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
