Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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