walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
