**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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