Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
