I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
