craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
