So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
