"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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