the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
