I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
