it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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