guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
