Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
