its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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