Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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