Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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