I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
