It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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