fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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