i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
