I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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