all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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