everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
