atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
