Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
