So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
