i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think my mom watched the whole time
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
