so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
