so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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