Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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