Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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