So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
