is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I could make wine with my vomit
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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