I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize