We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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