I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
