i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
