How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
